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Cat’s Bollocks | RHONY | Season 5, Episode 15 Recap

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Vacation, All I Never Wanted

So, we are back in paradise with the Real Housewives Of New York and White Trash St Bart’s. Aviva has slept and changed clothes, the dynamics have completely changed too, with the Rock star and the Graduate now sitting at breakfast. The graduate, who says the trip is not a ‘girls week’ its ‘an over weight, old ladies trip’. Nice.

Aviva may as well have changed into a nun’s outfit, and got her white collar out, as she is about to start ‘preaching it sista’ ☺

Sonja is sporting shades from the night before and is fuming over Aviva’s melt down, she is eating a breakfast made for a princess and being served by a chef. She and Ramona decide to google the meaning of ‘white trash’.

Ramona: “I was never poor!”
Sonja: “We are trashy

Ramona is wearing her 15th swimsuit of the trip so far and a sun hat suitable for ‘Ladies Day’ at a horse race and she’s pissed that Carole and Aviva have dates tonight and not them. Carole drops the bombshell about them having separate dinner plans from Ramonja, while reclined on the bed, and then BAM in comes Aviva, who is STILL going on about the lack of reception she and Reid received when they arrived.

Lulu appears, like she always does, all innocent and yet when there is sh*t going down she is as fast as a fly to get in on it.

Aviva screams “There is a lot of partying – and A LOT of drinking going on here! You pretend to be so real and there is nothing real about you! How dare you!! I really thought that you would have put a banner saying well done Aviva you did it!! You made it!!”

O MY F* GOODNESS .. At this point I would want to know exactly who had the nearest bottle opener or a zanax, or both ☺ Aviva is so stressed out its awful.

“There have been guys picked up from bars in this house!” And your point is, Aviva?

Oh dear, then all the ladies go out for lunch, as people do when the all hate each other. Carole starts the lunch by opening up the table to talk again about how much they don’t like each other. Aviva cant believe that anyone wants to party and dance on tables. Heather doesn’t want a sh*t fest and is trying to get Aviva to SHUT THE F*CK UP!

Oh and then Aviva starts a fresh conversation about herself and her phobias AGAIN! It’s the last thing she wants to focus on ‘apparently’, even though she can’t stop herself so she takes Carole off to have the dead skin on their feet eaten off by a bowl of fish and then we see Carole shed some tears over her friends and family that have passed away. Carole asks the shopkeeper if they have a tissue, she uses it, and hands it back to the shopkeeper.

Aviva needs to hold Carole’s hand to help with the nerves of tiny fish around her feet. I can feel another phobia coming on. Ramona announces she has diarrhea at the table and the Countess thanks her for sharing, with a full mouth full of food swirling around like a blender. Living with class and elegance naturally, didn’t include ‘don’t talk with your mouth open’ then?

Now, Heather is pissed that she has been dumped with Ramonja and Lulu and takes off to the beach alone to sunbathe, on the only part of the beach where the sun isn’t shining. Carole joins her, but doesn’t want to talk about anything that Heather is upset by, because she’s upset herself. This is paradise, remember that. Back at the ranch Sonja is flirting heavily with the the chef, licking her lips offering a Sonja filling, much to Aviva’s absolute disgust.

“Knowing that this trip, keeps being referred to as a girls trip and there has been men bought back here to the house, and have had sex with them is tipping me over the edge” Aviva spews.

If you close your eyes she could be mistaken for the grandmother at this point.

“At 40+ years old it’s very immature! You’re two faced, double dealer, you’re the worst!”

Sonja has had enough of her crap and chippiness and fires back!
“My mouth is money, what comes out of it you can sell! I have been around a long time b*tch. I’m old. I’ve worked my a** off and have many friends and credibility. I don’t kiss the ground you walk on.Now I thanked Reid for getting you here now can I get a return to sender! Reid should take this package home!”

Classic! ☺ The chef loved every moment of the b*tches fighting in their bikinis.

Later at dinner, they all realize that Ramona likes Heather since she smashed her nose in on the glass doors. Sonja’s picked out a shocking pink, slinky number to have breakfast with the chef who could be looking at her ass thinking he could toast the bread in between those cheeky cheeks showing, then she and Ramona have pedicures and discuss the darkness of Aviva energy.

Aviva is STILL talking about Ramona, like she has been brain washed and Sonja says Aviva needs an exorcism when they get back to NYC. They are all out having dinner and guess what Lulu’s toast is? “Let’s all say well done to Aviva for getting here!” BORE THE F*CK OFF!!

Sonja and Ramona sneak back to the house to avoid the concert and get stuck into the vino. Champagne, martinis. Pinot, whatever. On the return after the concert, Aviva seems like someone has slipped her an upper as she’s up for fun. Ramonja are partying in their rooms trying to start the evening over again. Carole’s had enough of the partying blondes and Aviva thinks that Sonja reminds her of Anna Nicole Smith, she is on a down ward spiral.

Ramona cant find the key for her safe .and Sonja cant find her balance. Lulu talks with her mouth full to the brim with food again. Then they all jump in the pool fully clothed, except Sonja, who has the sense to not ruin a silk number by swimming in it and naturally doesn’t have on any underwear on – bra or panties, and gives the camera crew, an eye full.

My favorite line of the show was by Heather,
“I saw Sonja’s nipples and vagina so much on the trip I felt like I should be petting them!” Brilliant.

Ramona gets pushed in at which point I am laughing so much ☺

Sonja says, “You’re an uptight bitch! You need to get laid a bit more”. Although she is holding Ramona to her bare breast – there could be more than one lady she was talking to!

See you next week!


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About the Author
Mother, writer and star of Bravo's Real Housewives of DC. Cat brings the snark, honesty and truth with her new column "Cat's Bollocks" for Reality Wives
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