‘I Was Killing Myself with All the Drinking and Pills’
Five years ago Jessica Simpson received an offer to write a motivational book “to living your best life.” but she couldn’t go through with it.
“I didn’t feel comfortable talking about myself in a way that wasn’t honest. I’m a horrible liar,” says Jessica, 39
Jessica has penned her memoir, which is titled, Open Book, which People magazine has a few excerpts, Jessica reveals for the first time that she was sexually abused as a young girl. The resulting emotional pain, along with other stressors, including career pressures, led her to self-medicate with alcohol and drugs a dependency that would later prompt her doctor to tell her her life was in danger.
“I was killing myself with all the drinking and pills.”
Jessica has maintained her sobriety since November 2017 and hasn’t had a drink since. “Giving up the alcohol was easy. I was mad at that bottle. At how it allowed me to stay complacent and numb.”
Therapy, she says, was the hard part. As she writes, “With work, I allowed myself to feel the traumas I’d been through.”
Jessica’s abuse began when she was 6 years old, “when I shared a bed with the daughter of a family friend. It would start with tickling my back and then go into things that were extremely uncomfortable.”
Frozen in fear, she worried it was somehow her fault. “I wanted to tell my parents. I was the victim but somehow I felt in the wrong.”
When she was 12 years old, she told her parents, Tina and Joe Simpson, while they were on a car trip.
Her mother slapped her father’s arm and yelled at him: “I told you something was happening.”
“Dad kept his eye on the road and said nothing. We never stayed at my parents’ friends house again but we also didn’t talk about what I had said.”
In the following years, she skyrocketed to fame with the reality tv show Newlyweds, which documented her three-year marriage to Nick Lachey.
But she buried her anxiety and the pain and trauma she had experienced. Only her closest friends and family knew the truth.
In 2010, the singer who runs the ‘billion dollar’ clothing line the Jessica Simpson Collection, found her next husband, Eric Johnson. They married in 2014 and now have three kids, daughter Maxwell, 7, born in 2011, son Ace, 6, born in 2013 and baby girl Birdie, 10 months, born in 2019.
In one of the book’s most moving scenes, she writes about hitting rock bottom after a Halloween party at their home in late 2017. That’s when she told her closest friends: “I need to stop. Something’s got to stop. And if it’s the alcohol that’s doing this, and making things worse, then I quit.”
Her friends gathered around her in a group hug and haven’t left her side since. With the support of her parents and help from a team of doctors and twice weekly therapy, she’s been sober since that day and calls her newfound clarity “a continual gift.”
“When I finally said I needed help, it was like I was that little girl that found her calling again in life. I found direction and that was to walk straight ahead with no fear. Honesty is hard but it’s the most rewarding thing we have. And getting to the other side of fear is beautiful.”
Source: People Magazine