Kyle and Taylor go to new cast mate, friend of the housewives Dana Wilkey’s for lunch, she meets them at the door wearing a tiara and one of the choices for her wedding dress. The Princess is here.
Kyle: There are two boobs and a tiara starring me in my face
Opposed to rubber lips and a plastic face, Kyle? Dana has a team in her home helping her plan her wedding; an assistant, a jeweler and a stylist. Dana is a show off and is not ashamed of it! Taylor and Kyle are not amused watching Dana dripping in opulence, she has money and so what. Dana must be new money, old money doesn’t show off! I like her lol. Dana’s son John is 18 months old, reads English and can speak Thai, this I need to hear.
Dana asks if Kyle’s charity event went well, Kyle said she wasn’t sure how much was raised, now unless the editing is really screwy, last week she said $15,000 was raised. Hmmmm…
Lisa’s friend Bette and talent agent who also manages Kim and Kyle’s career informs Lisa she got her a gig on HLN to commentate on the Royal Wedding of William and Catherine. She of course, says yes.
Adrienne is having a barbeque and starts to invite friends over, her
employee husband Paul who was sitting in her office at the time was unaware of the barbeque at their house.
Taylor and Brandi have drinks, Brandi discusses that her former husband actor Eddie Cibrian cheated on her throughout their entire 8 year marriage and they were together for 13 years, and finally with he had another affair with his co-star in a movie, singer Leanne Rimes. Eddie and Leanne got married recently. Adulterers getting married, never makes it right. Taylor divulges she is in marriage counseling.
Now Kim, who is ‘dusting’ her picture frames while her housekeeper Elizabeth is watching her. Why? Isn’t that what a housekeeper is paid for? What makes this scene more bizarre is that she is sharing her children’s childhood stories with the housekeeper. Elizabeth must have some stories and probably is more of a caretaker of Kim than a housekeeper. Shouldn’t Kim have dusted the shelf first after removing the pictures, then dusted the pictures? That is just more work and moving the dust to the shelf.
Ken, Lisa, Mauricio and Kyle have dinner. Kyle discusses Dana’s dress and Dana’s wonder super child. The subject of course reverts to Taylor and her weight. Kyle states that Lisa always points out she is not Taylor’s friend. Lisa says she is just being truthful. Kyle has a point. Lisa is blunt, but even before Russell’s passing; Taylor was always a little sensitive.
All the ladies except Lisa who was at HLN and Kim arrive at Adrienne’s barbeque.
Camille and Brandi commiserate about their ex-husbands adulterating and marrying the mistresses soon after their respective divorces.
Camille: Expect the worst and you won’t be disappointed and I haven’t been disappointed yet
Camille loves Dana’s sunglasses, Dana drops the fact that they cost $25,000 dollars and consist of 4 carats of diamonds and gold python and jokes she has insecurity issues. Really, I would never have guessed Dana ‘new money’ Wilkey. That is not an insecurity issue, that is just plain excessive. Dana mentions $25,000 4 times in 90 seconds. Dana there was no need to tell us the price of your sunglasses, that’s what the media outlets are for.
Camille: Most people that have a lot of money don’t really brag too much about it and that’s the honest truth. They kind of keep it to themselves.
Taylor and Kyle exchange glances. I wish Adrienne would change the color of her hair to a darker color, her blonde looks dirty. Taylor and Camille are on a trampoline at the barbeque, Taylor does a back flip, I was afraid she would snap in two, she is so thin and feeble looking. Brandi’s son Jake who is 4 takes off his clothes and proceeds to urinate on the grass, Brandi laughs and thinks this is hilarious as he does this at home all the time. Trailer trash much? Which four year old doesn’t know to ask for a toilet, especially at someone else’s house.
And in scarring our son part 1, Lisa has her son Max, clip in her hair pieces while she is wrapped in a towel. Where is your help or stylist you’re going to be on television and you get your son to help you with something he knows nothing about. Lisa at HLN asks for an earpiece for Jiggy, has he even barked on camera yet? Why would HLN want Jiggy on camera? Lisa meets Dr Drew and asks him to ask his followers on twitter to follow her and Jiggy. What the hell? Desperation 101. Poor tired Ken was asleep during Lisa’s segment on HLN.
Kim is a no show. Kyle calls Kim to find out what happened to her as she said she was attending.
This is the conversation:
Kyle: You’re there! Are you coming?
Kim: O my gosh no my phone died. I don’t have any kids. I didn’t have any kids, it felt awkward coming to a kids, moon bounce, hot dogs, with no kids.
Kyle: I mean you can just come yourself.
Kim: Well, no. I would feel like, without my kids, like
Kyle: I wish you would have told me ok, Adrienne thinks your coming with all your kids
Kim: Tell Adrienne I’ll call her. Last minute I was all dressed and ready to go and Kimberly called. And she was the only one I really thought was going to come.
Kyle: Tell her yourself, you need to call her yourself and tell her.
Kyle: You call her yourself though, but I’ll tell her too, you call her.
Kim: Call who?
Kim: O yeah I’m going to
Kyle: Ok, ok love you bye, I gotta go
Kim: love you, love you
If this isn’t a scream for help, I don’t know what is. Kim either just woke up, high, drunk or all three. That conversation was just not right.
Adrienne mentions that Bernie her chef was upset as Lisa’s dog was at the table at a previous dinner party. Although a dog at the table is très de classe. Did Bernie buy the table and the dinnerware? Is that his house? Why was he upset? Is he Adrienne’s paramour? Why is Adrienne telling her guest about her chef’s hang ups? He is a paid employee if anybody should be upset it would need to be Adrienne and Paul who say something or get upset, it’s their house!
Brandi mentions the *divorce diet to Dana and Kyle as Taylor is very thin. They are surprised and state Taylor isn’t getting divorced, Brandi states she is just talking about Taylor’s weight. Dana asks if Taylor has eaten, Taylor responds that she has eaten a hamburger and a hot dog. Was this caught on camera? Adrienne asks why Kim didn’t come to the barbeque, Kyle responds because she didn’t have any children to bring. Terrible excuse.
Dana is renting a castle in Paris for her wedding next year. Mauricio and Paul arrive at the barbeque. Paul jumps in the pool scrubs and all.
Adrienne: Some reason when he takes off that shirt he doesn’t look like Mauricio.
Nice, Adrienne, but Mauricio wouldn’t put up with your put downs, like Paul does.
Camille: Big hands, big feet, big disappoint. It’s true I was married to that.
Camille has since apologized for her comments about her ex-husband. Why if that is how she feels. Kyle asks if that quote was code word for something else. Really Kyle? How were your children created? A stork? Brandi says it’s c**k. Kyle is flabberghasted. Is Kyle Armish? All the ladies use profanity. Why is that such a shock? They fight and curse as we saw on season 1.
Brandi believes the ladies think she is a super slut, they all say noooo. Brandi has been rumored to be a little free with her goodies around town. The ladies have been eye rolling at Brandi’s comments all day. Taylor admits she should keep her eyes still. I agree Taylor needs to reserve her strength and not roll anything.
Dana’s fiancé John, is an investment banker and on the road a lot and she jokingly says she has no idea where he is. Brandi jokes that he is with his other girls all over the country. Dana is not amused. Dana explains he actually went to Boston to see his son and his mother in New York who is dying of cancer. Dana is trying so hard to fit in, just speak the truth and stop embellishing. Brandi does put her foot in her mouth often, but Dana did say she didn’t know where John was.
I like Brandi and Dana
Divorce diet: Eating but the weight falls off due to stress.
Names for penis: Kyle – Weiner, Dana – The mammerjammer or Sherman, Adrienne – Annoyed
Taylor’s gal-pal Dana hosts a game night, yet the breezy fun turns dicey when Kim spends an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom. As suspicions rise about Kim, accusations fly.