Bras & Brawls, Part 1
Lisa and Lenny Hochstein are hosting a lingerie party to raise money for the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. She parades in her tiny outfits for her maid, Daysy who has freshly blown out hair and again isn’t doing any housework, nothing unusual there. Lisa calls Lea who may or may not be coming to her soiree, Lisa claims about 800 people are turning up to the party.
Next scene is at Lea’s place of business, on command she is on 3 cell phones talking to amazing people, telling them Queen Latifah and Tony Bennett are appearing at the Blacks Gala this year. But what is distracting me, although Lea is a doll, her neck apparatus is ridiculous (see below). What the hell is around her neck in many scenes? Alexia, Adriana and Joanna arrive and Lea talks seating arrangements. Karent seat is brought up and Alexia thinks she doesn’t know how to behave socially, is phoney and pathetic. Karent hasn’t been schooled on the pecking order apparently.
Lea feels it necessary to bring up Karent again, and asks if everyone has resolved their problems as she doesn’t want any fighting. Adrianna is going to to approach Karent, (that thought always works out well), and tell her she has a complaint about her blabber lips. Allegedly, Adrianna saw an article about Karent, she told a reporter that “she is fabulous and the cast are classless fame addicts, with botox for brains”, wouldn’t Karent also fit that statement also, why else are you on a Bravo reality show? You’re already the dentist to the stars! She wants to “show them Miami has women with class and brains and beauty like herself“. Adrianna is pissed. But did anyone ask Karent exactly what she said? Joanna, amazingly states that the journalist could have misquoted Karent. Lea got it right, the quote and description didn’t fit her, so she wasn’t offended. But if she did say it about them, shame on her. Lol Lea is hilarious and awesome.
Marysol and Alexia talk about Karent, and Marysol, hilariously demonstrates a clown (she was rocking side to side while holding an imaginary broom), that scared her as a child now reminds of Karent.
Joanna is doing a photo shoot for PETA at Lisa’s huge mansion. Marta asks Joanna about Romain’s thoughts on the photo shoot, then poor blonde Joanna said after what they went through – she finding emails of him and another woman planning a romantic getaway – it made them stronger. Right, cheating normally does that. Joanna is shooting her 3rd anti-fur campaign, “grow your own fur let the animals keeps theirs.” Joanna is wearing fake pubic hair. Not gross at all. This is really not about anti-fur, but about Joanna stripping off and showing off her goodies. To me if you are an animal activist you had better be a vegan, not use any animal products at all, leather lou-bou’s, live in a straw hut, etc,. But that’s another story.
Back at the Black’s household, papa Black, Lea’s husband Roy an attorney, is home after a grueling court case. Roy talks about the John Goodman case, who he was defending. He lost and John was sentenced to 16 years for driving drunk and killing a 23 year old student. Lea and Roy’s son even piped in on the “unfair” decision.
John Goodman drank himself silly, he struck a student, Scott Wilson, 23, so hard with his Bentley, he pushed him and his car into a canal and left the scene of the crime and Scott died, he then paid $46 million to the family in damages and if he had called an ambulance the poor kid might have survived at least.
Lisa is preparing for her party, I noticed she walks past someone bringing in some bottled water cases. Publix water, a grocery store in Florida, Georgia and some southern states. Lisa why wasn’t there any Fiji water or Pelligrino? But I digress!
Karent and Joanna go shopping for gowns, they both have great bodies. Joanna tells her about the conversation at Lea’s office. Karent explains that she was introduced to a woman who wrote a blog about the social scene in Miami, and she embellished what Karent said had actually said. I would like to know exactly what did Karent say to this blogger. Obviously she was talking about the cast. She applies botox in her office to her clients. also End of story. We hope. Ana and her daughter join her and shop for lingerie. Adrienne brings up Karent in the store. Karent is Miami’s Danielle Staub, Teresa Staub, Brand Glanville, Nene Leakes, Aviva Drescher, their names are always being brought up by their cast mates. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Meanwhile back at the Hochstein mansion while Lisa is preparing for her charity party, Marta Mooch is poolside with Lisa’s friends drinking and enjoying life. 1) Why aren’t Lisa’s friends helping out and 2) Marta should have been helping Lisa. Everyone enables Marta from her sister to her now current roommates – The Hochsteins.
Marysol shows off her outfit to her mother, Elsa, who then proceeds to do the fan dance for her daughter. Marysol asks her, “who gave you alcohol?” Elsa can sniff out alcohol a mile away.
Back at the Hochsteins, Lenny is freaking out, none of the volunteers have arrived, there are no servers, bar staff, ushers and there is no ice. Lisa is calm trying to reassure Lenny, that everything will be ok. We know there is going to be a fight later, so he was right.
Lea arrives with James (Elaine Lancaster) and Joe Francis, founder of Girls Gone Wild. It appears that RHOM is only interesting with Lea’s famous friends. Take note Bravo. Joanna rolls her eyes at Joe and sticks her fingers down her through, as she tell Romain, Joe is here. Joanna, Romain and Karent walk over to Joe and greet him and Lea. Why is Joanna greeting the so called scumbag? Marysol arrives in her fur. Karent and Joanna gasp is disgust.
Karent: “I got your back honey”
Karent says, I try to respect others beliefs … Karent makes a beeline towards Marysol and immediately tells her that Joanna will be offended. Karent this isn’t your party, take a seat and leave well alone.
Marysol: “Karent the carrier pigeon comes swooping in and I unrolled the message from her leg, that said, you’re in trouble for wearing fur” – the best line of the night!
Karent bemoans Joanna’s plight, she is such a strong activist. Marysol calls Lea for backup after being accosted by the carrier pigeon and Lea laughs that her feathers are fake for ‘tonight’. Joe brags that he was responsible for giving Joanna her first television appearance then laughed that he dated both Joanna and her sister Marta. Karent then asked if he slept with both of them, he answers yes. How is that looking out for your friend Karent? Then true to form the Karent Pigeon Express goes back to Joanna and tells her the gossip. Joanna is still looking for the back to her earring she has been looking for the past 10 minutes. Karent then tells Joanna that Joe bragged that he slept with her and Marta. The next few moments have to be seen to be believed.
Joanna: “Joe” looking disappointed
Joe: “Hmmm what happened?” What happened? Did you not hear Karent?
Joanna: “Why are you telling people, me and Marta slept with you?”
Joe: “It’s the truth”
Joanna: “No it’s not, like why would you do that, Joe. Like seriously, stop it”
Romain is sipping on his drink through out the entire exchange (slurp, slurp)
Joe: “OMg I’m not lying, but I will drop the issue”
Joanna: “You should go back to jail where you came from. You’re a f***ing liar”
Romain said NOT a word during this hilarious exchange. He actually moves out of the way, while Joe and Joanna the two Jo’s “JJ”, continue their “debate”.
Marysol: “We’ve been here 10 minutes and everyone’s fighting, it’s all the carrier pigeon’s fault.
Joe also mentioned that Joanna slept with Mohammed (bleeped) and Wayne (bleeped)… I hope that wasn’t Mohammed Hadid of Beverly Hills …. Come to think of it, Romain, did not come to the defense of his fiance of 5 years, seems like a Bravo producer move.
Lea arrives and removes Joe from the fracas … finally Romain says something, “You talk too much dude”. You talk too much dude? That’s it?
Karent: “Joanna with every right was extremely furious, it definitely hurts me to see Joanna so upset. I felt that it was my duty to inform Joanna of the lies that Joe Francis is spreading to other people at the party”
How would Karent know that Joe is lying? She wasn’t there.
Joanna then shot back: “That’s why you went to jail.”
Joe: “that’s why I went to jail because you gave me a bl*wjob in a movie theater Joanna”
Romain (the slurping silent wonder): “Hey relax Dude, O, hey” – Hey relax dude? I want to know what Romain was drinking, I think it was called “Pink Amnesia”, sweet enough for a woman, strong enough to erase a man’s senses.
Joanna in her interview then states that Romain wanted to knock out Joe, but he was smart enough to not stoop to Joe’s level. Right, Romain couldn’t care less about Joe’s accusations and was enjoying his drink way too much. Joanna tells Marta what had just happened. They sit down, Marta looks dazed and confused and starts to laugh rather forcibly. Joanna asks what’s wrong and if she slept with Joe. She obviously has. Marta: “Let’s not talk about it”. A simple yes would have been sufficient to chop down that rumor. Joanna’s mouth is wide open in shock. Joanna claims she is so close to her sister, why wouldn’t Marta have told her about this so called revelation? Later in the Hochstein mansion, everyone except, Marta, Joanna and Romain congregate in the house and they discuss the drama. Joe calls Karent the devil and Lea states that Karent is the cause of the drama because she told her friend what Joe had said. In all truth if you heard salacious gossip like that, you are going to tell a friend if it concerns them. Any one of of those women would have done the same. Let’s be real – botox brains.
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