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Cat’s Bollocks | RHONY | Reunion Part 2

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Andy kicks off with “Perhaps the biggest scandal in the history of Real Housewives of New York was Luann’s night with Tomas in St Barts”

We have flash backs of Lulu scratching around with her hangover in her wedges post party night with the Johnny Double Dipper, lying through here teeth to her fellow cast mates about bringing back her ‘Italian’ friends, and banging on, on the phone in ‘Franglish’, thinking

I was with the "Italians"

nobody else speaks ‘Franglish’ so nobody would understand as she tells her friend to lie about the fact the pirate came home with her. Carole “Its never the crime its always the cover up”. This was like a cat had taken a large crap and had no litter in its tray. It stank.

Lulu “Jacque knows if I tell him something it’s the truth – I was tequila induced” (I just lie to everyone else (page 35 of class without a countess ☺)

Ramona & Sonja listen to Luann's story

Ramona pipes in with her zingy one-liners…

“Lets just say Luann loves her men and can’t keep her hands off them”. Then Lulu’s veins on her neck really start popping out as Ramona feels it’s a good time to bring up Lulu’s supposed ‘open marriage’. Lulu’s pissed ☺

“ I just wish you showed the real Luann off camera rather than the one you show on camera”. Ain’t that the truth. I think Lulu really underestimates the intelligence of the viewers thinking they believe all her rubbish.

Then Carole and Lulu get into it at last where Carole actually speaks up and calls Lulu out.

Andy “Lets take a look at sexy Sonja” We get to see all the men that Sonja has toyed with, wiggled her ass for and teased so as always lots of laughter and fun. Thankfully she bedded the pirate rather than the builder she had eyes for earlier in the season.

Sonja “ I’m going in! Last nights was Luann’s night, tonight is Sonja’s night”. One of my fave lines of the show.

Then the recap of the princess Carole stating “ I’m not going to say who but last night a sex act happened at the house which until recently was a felony 37 in states. I don’t want to say butt **** it’s so rude”

Andy “That’s a housewife first OPENING OF THE BACK DOOR! “ OMG did you really just say that Andy??

We the screeching ladies of NY attest to George being the horniest octogenarian in the western hemisphere

“Did Tomas play in the back yard?? I don’t think you are answering my question. Sonja do you like it in the booty all the time or just with pirates?” WHAT?????

Then a viewer question as to whether Ramona and Sonja are lovers. Ramona to Andy “You can appreciate my butt and you’re whatever”

Then we see George, Aviva’s Dad drop all his cringe worthy one liner’s again drawling over the ladies and poking sausages into backs.

Aviva defends her father but agrees how inappropriate he can be and says she would find Sonja a ‘cool’ stepmother should they marry? Andy goes on to call Aviva out for having double standards.

Toaster Gate – Sonja and Heathers on going story line about Heather helping with the packaging of her seemingly imaginary toaster oven. They discuss Sonja’s ungratefulness and the fact that Heather won’t ever do business with her again. So that aside, ignoring that Sonja brings out a random viewers own art work, from the cushion behind her, in her search for the sexy ‘j’ in her logo.

The "J" is sexy just like me

Heather, “Sonja Morgan, you wouldn’t know hard work if it bit you in the a**, ”Lulu pops again, in risking changing the flow of her gown but nobody listens or cares.

Aviva appears super cool, composed, almost slightly bored being on the sofa and not anything like she was in the last few episodes where she seemed to be running on a very fierce short fuse.

Andy to Ramona, “Got to tell you some thing.. Your lipstick is so ****ed up and its on your cheek. I’m sorry we got to do this again. You look like a mental patient.” LMAO

Then we have a look back at the feud between Ramona and Aviva – and amongst other issues, Ramona saying that George physically attacked her? I missed that?!

“He called me a trailer turd!!!!!” ☺

Heather is the voice of reason as Sonja and Ramona say they didn’t party ‘that’ hard in St Barts. The volume of the talking over each other is almost impossible to hear anyone. Ramona turns on Andy when he brings up her drinking through viewers letters.

“ Why do you keep doing this with me Andy, cause I DON’T LIKE IT!!”

The ugly duckling '"I once was ugly, now I'm pretty"

Andy  “Who has changed the most this season?” Sonja doesn’t pause before saying “Heathers gotten very very attractive since you got on the show” – they all fall about laughing as its such a random comment! Ramona “Wait until you’ve been on the show a couple of years and you get even prettier”

Andy “Really???”

Ramona feels like it could be over so gets up whilst filming to give a full show of her ‘blue’ dress…much to Andy’s shock.

“ We are still filming Ramona”
“Oh I’m sorry, I thought we were done” Ramona says, taking several seconds more to use the opportunity to admire her dress again before sitting back down.

Andy, “It’s been a wildly entertaining season…”

I would be pushed to say ‘wildly entertaining’ but it has been fun to watch once it got going mid season. I think if I had to have drinks with anyone on the show, it would probably be Heather now and since at the start of the show I was not a fan, it just goes to show how clever these editors can be changing your mind.

Bravo ladies!

So last night on Watch What Happens Live Andy had Lulu on and I hear she had some kind of issue with moi? ☺

Dear Lulu

I hear that you were on Watch What Happens Live with Andy last night and seemed to think that I ‘must be on something’ by the way I was sitting when I was on recently? Really? Why not enlighten me as to what your story line was this entire season, as having watched every episode, rather than ridiculing my posture? I still can’t fathom there was anything, other than you trying to stay relevant.

I had just got off an 8-hour flight; it was 5 am for me having not slept, with my baby kicking me in the ribs. You really are showing your age if she can’t remember being that pregnant? Unlike you, I don’t aspire to being someone than I’m not, nor do I give a rat’s ass about sitting up straight on ‘Watch What Happens Live’ with a large baby in my tummy. It’s the clubhouse, not the royal box at the theatre, darling.

So I’d say that was very irresponsible and actually pretty slanderous to imply on national TV that at seven months pregnant, I must be ‘on something’ other than a seriously uncomfortable chair.

Shame on you Lulu. I really hope that next season someone who is entertaining replaces you. I didn’t think you brought anything what so ever this season, other than your usual phony, two faced, insincere, lying and seriously dull self.

Also Jill Zarin tweeted Andy saying that he shouldn’t have given me a baby present before the birth and that his mother wouldn’t be impressed? WHAT is her problem? Has she never heard of a baby shower? Weird.

"hic"

And talking of Jill, I tweeted Andy yesterday saying that I keep forgetting to confront him about being fired when I’m on WWHL ☺

I don’t know why she keeps hanging on like a bogie to the hope of being back on Real Housewives Of New York. Move on Jill. And I really hope it’s a sad rumor she is shopping around a secret recording of the show, taken without Andy’s knowledge. Fail

Also mentioning rats ass’s, WWHL, and Jill still being upset she was let go, she is also appalled by Andys favoritism of Giggy – Lisa VP’s dog? Are we talking about the same dog that gave her sofa a new decorative finish of diarrhea in an episode of RHWNY? The same dog that started to stalk Andy on twitter that he mentions in his book? Sounds like its all getting a little too ‘Jilluzional’ for me.

Cheers everyone! What shows do you think I should blog about? Please leave comments? And btw ‘no can do’ RHONJ or RHOA ☺

If you want to know what my new book The Gift is about then here you go – enjoy! The reviews are starting to come in on Amazon – you can  order your copy here

A seven-month whirlwind romance between London and Washington, D.C. leads Cat and her young daughters to move stateside, where her dashing new husband is a photographer assigned to The White House. Within months, she is fast-tracked into a hit reality TV show, The Real Housewives of D.C. But Cat’s dream of living happily ever after with Prince Charming is about to be shattered into pieces. With her husband on the Obama campaign trail, a series of odd events and stranger communications have her piecing together a macabre jigsaw puzzle of the demons that haunted him, and other lives…Behind his mask are dark ghosts and while the cameras are rolling, she desperately tries to keep her new family together, until the day she realizes she can never fix him. As her marriage collapses and the show is over, Cat is left totally heartbroken, homeless, and on her knees thousands of miles from home. But giving up is not an option. This is the journey to a new found reserve of strength–an extraordinary story about celebrity and fame, love and betrayal, reality and perception, all told with Cat Ommanney’s trademark honesty and humor–No bollocks!


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About the Author
Mother, writer and star of Bravo's Real Housewives of DC. Cat brings the snark, honesty and truth with her new column "Cat's Bollocks" for Reality Wives

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