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Cat’s Bollocks | RHONY | Season 5, Episode 16 Recap

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What Happens in St. Barths Doesn’t Stay in St. Barths

Real 'men' cook apparently

So we are back in NYC – an evening where the men are cooking dinner, where Ramona wants no stress. The pressures of St Barths huh? I’d like to see the Real Housewives of NYC ladies slumming it, maybe in the suburbs of Bangladesh and then see how they get on, seeing as paradise never seems to work out.

Jacques gets his apron on over his suit, yet he’s got more than an apron on him, as Lulu is draped on him showering him with affection and amour. “I’m terrified of losing Jacques”, she says. Then the ladies (who don’t want any drama) talk about ‘the’ drama and the dreaded Aviva ‘melt down’.

“She’s a buzz kill when she’s not even here!”

“I’ve had enough of this conversation’ says Sonja. Well I tell you what; I think the whole of America has had enough of this frigging conversation too!

“She has a deep voice and no balls,” Pipes in Sonja in relation to Lulu and her stirring.

Then Carole and Heather, who didn’t drink much in St Barths decide to get hammered in a gay bar in NYC. I mean ‘really’ smashed 🙂

Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug....

and then they talk about AVIVA’S MELTDOWN. I am so bored of hearing about this, let alone writing about it please stop.
Then they talk about penis size “ It doesn’t matter who is attached to the small penis” says Heather. Carole then starts to have problems pronouncing her words and they fall out of the door.

Heather and Lulu meet for lunch in an empty restaurant to discuss AVIVAS MELTDOWN and Lulu isn’t interested and wants to talk about her IVF treatment with the Pirate, I mean Jock strap, and gets an egg stuck in her throat.

Carole, Heather and Aviva meet up to talk about St Brats, Sonja’s vagina and nipples.

Aviva says Sonja and Ramona are insecure and THEN HER PHOBIA’S please tell me we aren’t talking about this?

“Who doesn’t open their arms to someone who has just traveled all day long, entered your home and blah blah, blah…”
“Ramona is a cheesy, cheesy low class woman” is this the same Aviva that said in the first episode said she ‘didn’t want any of us to become mean girls?

“I made this journey to St Barths, blah, blah, blah BORE OFF!! ENOUGH ALREADY!!

Then Sonja and Carol meet up to get some shirts and Carole wants to know why Sonja is so reckless. Then they talk about AVIVAS MELTDOWN…Are you kidding me?? Then Aviva and Heather meet, we are now on the 12th restaurant in 27 minutes, do these women ever eat at home?

“I made this journey to St Barths”. Right about now I’m thinking – Anyone know a medic?

"I have a phobia & I made this journey to St. Barths"

“Do you not think these women were acting insane?” WHAT? This episode is officially painful to watch – and f’ing dull hearing about Aviva’s hang-ups.

“You’re being ME, ME, ME, ENOUGH”. Well done Heather. Finally stuffed a sock in it.

Carole meets Aviva and tells her she has started injecting drugs…whoops, I mean started smoking, but may as well have said injecting as Aviva is absolutely HORRIFIED.

“This could be a big problem with our friendship,” says Mother Aviva/Mother Teresa.

Ramona comes over to Sonja’s to get into bed, to hang out and discuss Sonja’s ex husband and finalizing a settlement.

Aviva meets Sonja in another restaurant as Aviva is concerned about her white trash frenemy and wants to talk about St Barths.

"I don't care"

Sonja’s eyes roll, along with 1.8 million viewers I guess. “There was no drama until you got there Aviva”.

Aviva: “I find you morally reprehensible”. LMAO
“What ever you tell me about your feelings right now – I don’t care!” Nope, I don’t either.

“White Trash wasn’t my first choice of words.” That’s very reassuring.

“Someone who cares about you wouldn’t take you out until 4 in the morning”. A true friend would lock you in your room?

Ugh! Watching this I couldn’t help feel empathy for the editors of this episode. I kept feeling like it was on repeat, when it wasn’t.

So, see you next week and don’t forget to tune in to Watch What Happens Live after the episode, where Sonja and I will be behaving impeccably, naturally.



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