I am only going to discuss the one topic that is bothering me and causing me to feel many things: My lunch with Erika and my subsequent dinner with Lisa VDP, Kyle and Eileen.
First and foremost, I want to say that I was wrong in the way I handled this. Hindsight is 20/20, and watching it now, I wish I would have done things differently.
When I sat down to the table with Erika, we started talking casually…as this has been the case since we met. When I had the ladies to my home in San Diego, I shared with them the loss of my father. I noticed how everyone was so thoughtful and sensitive to it.
Erika, while sitting at the table, shared with Kyle and LVP what had transpired while they had stepped away. Her conveyance of the story to them was cold and matter-of-fact. When Erika later spoke of it in her interview she was sweet, sensitive and seemingly caring. I like that Erika. The issue for me is that I never know who I’m going to see.
When Erika told me of the passing of her grandmother I felt like finally I was seeing a warm side to her, other than the self professed “cold person” she says she is. But when I tried to console her and relate to her, her response was “things happen, people get old, they die.” Again, there was no opening to really bond or relate. I felt her pushing back, and I accepted that she really doesn’t want to be friends. Later in her interview, she cried, and I saw the real love and sadness she feels from the loss of her grandmother, and it made me cry. But clearly, those real feelings are not to be shared and that’s her way of keeping everyone out. OK, I’m good.
After that Erika asked me what I thought about Lisa VDP. I started to say that she was sweet and I liked her when Erika cut me off and said no, Lisa VDP wasn’t sweet…with a tongue and cheek humor.
Make no mistake, I was wrong to repeat what she said at lunch, even though we all know that nothing is a secret or in confidence with this group of women.
What I should have done was question Erika as to why she felt the need to talk so disparagingly about Lisa VDP. Why? What had Lisa done to her or had she witnessed that deserved her labeling Lisa VDP a “sniper who shoots from the side”?
I have only heard Lisa VDP say the nicest things about Erika and Tom. We had all just gone down to San Diego over the Labor Day weekend to support Erika at her show.
And please keep in mind that Erika had just lied about telling Yolanda that Lisa VDP and Kyle were talking about her kids…we all saw that that was not the way it went down. So again, I ask, why?
Earlier at the Frieda’s lunch, I asked Erika how long she had been friends with Yolanda because I have noticed Erika standing up for Yolanda in a strong, protective way, that good friends do. Erika’s response to me was “Did Lisa VDP tell you to ask me that?” No, Lisa VDP did not tell me to ask anything. I was just clearly observing some alliances and underlying motivation in the group. My point in bringing this up is that I was noticing a pattern with ladies. I had noticed that Yolanda and Lisa VDP seem to have bad blood, and it seems to be causing trouble outside of just the two of them.
I don’t have a horse in this race. I felt like I was sharing some information with the Lisa VDP, Kyle and Eileen that might bring insight and shed light as to why all of this backstabbing was going on. I wasn’t in the Hamptons so up until that evening I didn’t know of the “affair” word and the unacceptable apology and honestly, I can’t imagine that those were the sources of this animosity.
I could have shared a lot more with the ladies, but I didn’t. I felt like I chose my words fairly carefully while trying not to upset the apple cart too much. I didn’t repeat the “sniper” comment, because I felt like that was far more incendiary. I specifically said that I felt like I was kind of ratting on Erika and I didn’t want it to come across that way and that I would have gladly brought the subject up if Erika would have been there.
No secrets, I own it. I was wrong, I wish I would have done it differently.
I have come to realize that just because someone says they want to be friends and someone else accepts it…it means nothing. Friendships are shown and demonstrated on both ends. We’ll see if Erika and I can patch this back together…I genuinely think as different as we both are, that we have some other nice things in common.
Until next week…remember to forgive is divine.
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