Real Housewives Of Miami | Season 2, Episode 1 Recap

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A Tale of Two Miami’s

The Real Housewives of Miami is back, why? Their ratings were terrible and there was not one black, Caribbean or Asian woman or someone of color in the cast. Miami is not 100% Latina. South Florida is a melting pot! Rant over. Let’s get back to The Real Housewives Of Latin America.

So Marysol who got married in a romantic snow wedding in Aspen, last season, is separated from her younger husband Phillipe, she and her mother, the horrifically butchered, Mama Elsa discuss what will happen if she gets re-married and what she is going to do with her huge engagement ring. That rock is huge! Marysol tells her mother that the other witch, Elsa being the first, told her that she is going to meet a lot of new women. Really, you mean the new ladies of the reality series you are involved with or anyone of the opposite sex in the tri-county area?

Newcomer Ana Quincoces who is a lawyer who has a sugar sweet relationship with her estranged husband. They work together and have been separated for two years. They are best friends. How cute. He has a girlfriend. Ana visits Marysol at work, who is on the phone with her lush mother Elsa, about her lost dog. Elsa doesn’t want her phone number on the LOST posters around town as she doesn’t want perverts calling her. I don’t think that will be an issue Elsa.

Karent & Rodolfo

Next up we have the self proclaimed dentist to the stars, Karent Sierra. She is dating a latin soap star, Rodolfo. They discuss on camera of course the fact that Ana see above, is after Rodolfo. Right. Karent claims that Rodolfo doesn’t date older women, so he couldn’t be at all interested in Ana. Did Karent fall and bump her head? Karent you are old. Some of women believe that Rodolfo isn’t really dating Karent. But I am sure that story will unfold soon enough.

Lea Black is back and is buying a house on Star Island, where P Diddy and many stars live.

Next up is Lisa Hochstein wife of plastic surgeon Leonard “Lenny” Hochstein. They met in Las Vegas and he saw her butt first. What butt? He fixed her botched boob job. He tells her about the closing of the home Lea fell in love with. They will be neighbors with Thomas Kramer, Kim Zolciak’s friend from two seasons ago, where she and Nene had their blow out and the whole Sweetie slave thing.

Joanna "I only do covers"

Next up newbie, model, animal activist “fanatic” and former Dancing With The Stars alum, Joanna Krupa. Within 60 seconds we are alerted that her sister Marta and her fiance Romain Zago do not get along. Family drama. During a photo shoot, Joanna finds out that the shoot she is doing, is for an editorial not the cover shot. Ms Krupa only does covers. Joanna makes it known she does not have a famous father or fiance. Alluding to the nemesis in her head Kim Kardashian – she can’t stand the Kardashian’s due to them formerly carrying fur. Yawn.

Now on to the veteran Adriana she is still engaged to Frederick. Frederick has bought a yacht and wants Adriana to move in when the renovations have finished. Adriana has two requirements – a space for her baby grand piano and a walk in closet. No small feat at all.

Alexia makes an appearance, her son was in a car accident and it was pretty serious. She will have a limited role this season.

Mama Elsa collapses

Back to the Patton’s, Napoleon the dog has been found, he was in the closet. Elsa asks Marysol about Phillipe and their separation, Marysol tears up, she still loves Phillipe, she goes into her room. Mimi sings to Elsa, to calm her down, why? Marysol is the one upset. She then goes to her kitty litter and throws some sand in the air to reclaim her energy. She and Marysol hug and make up.

The ladies are all attending a party at Smith & Wollensky a restaurant in Miami. Joanna and Lisa arrive together and finally meet the rest of the gang. Marysol hasn’t spoken to Lea in months. Lisa also doesn’t like Lea, as Lea doesn’t have class. Right. Karent and Rodolfo arrive and they both greet Ana – Rodolfo says ‘nice to meet you’. Is he serious? You have a text ‘relationship’ imaginary or real with Ana and you say nice to meet you. What is he hiding? Elsa is shaky on her feet and for the life of me I have no idea why she is at this party, she passes out. Marysol states she has a heart problem. So why was is drinking and why did she have so much plastic surgery.

Andy Cohen tweeted this series was “the new improved #RHOM“. Sadly you are mistaken Andrew. I like the ladies, but something is missing. There is as much plastic surgery as Beverly Hills and New Jersey. Enough fighting as Atlanta. But the magic of the previous series’ is missing. Sadly I don’t have high hopes for the rest of the season.

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